It seems that a random thought yesterday whilst working finally made some shit click - just a few more puzzle pieces put together. And I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember walking into that room, getting padded up like everyone else, then having people kick the shit out of me for half an hour. I stood there crying, waiting for someone to notice, someone to care. No one did. Then he came up to me, as I was with someone from my own class, and she asks what's wrong, and he says I'm fighting my own battle, and that she needs to not care about it. She needs to keep living for herself and not care about me. He told me to dry my tears and get on with it. And I did. And ever since that day I've avoided tears like the plague, and I've ignored my physical pain, and I've hid emotional pain, and I've buried psychological pain, and I've learned to fight back.
And I walked away with two very important lessons that day - when you're knocked down, you suck it up, stand the fuck back up and knock everyone else down. And I learned that no one cares about your tears. Your problems are your own. You're alone.
It's been good lately. Real good. Lonely, these past few weeks, waiting to see the boyfriend again. Can't wait, I really need it.
Fuck.
